A Life Altering Event: Cancer

In 1998, after a 4-month hiatus from a project-based work, I decided to join the corporate world. From a demanding field work that I experienced from campaigning for a senatorial candidate during the national election, I felt the need to change my environment. I was thinking that employment in a corporate set-up would have less action and lots of paper work. Hence, I accepted a job as an Executive Assistant (EA) to the Vice-President (VP) of a crew manning company for Japanese vessels.

Despite my intention to have a more relaxed and easy tasks, my inner passion for variety, active engagement and discovering new things must had been noticed by the company President. After one year of being an EA to the VP, I was transferred to the Office of the President as her EA. As years went by, I was so consumed with work that it became my only priority. I felt I was doing a “Mission Impossible” assignments while I gain knowledge and new skills as I faced numerous challenges. I felt I was in cloud nine every time I accomplished a task. However, the pressure and challenges became the drugs that fuelled my addiction. It was said that everything that is too much or little will result to defective output. I became restless if I had less things to do and I experienced being burned out if there were too many things to do. I let my life be dictated with what is urgent and had more pressure until I was caught up with the whirlwind of work.

My life was altered when I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer in October of 2009.

The life changing moment started when I took the Fine Needle Aspiration test. With courage, I went to the hospital with one of our HMO Coordinators. I told him that he do not need to wait for me when we arrived at the hospital but he insisted to stay so I let him.

When we entered the corridors of the hospital, the lights were dimmed. It was so gloomy that I thought was reflective of my mood. Elongated benches were on the side where people were waiting. I saw old couples, family members with children and individuals who seems distraught. Some were dressed in shabby clothes and somehow I felt sad when I looked at them or maybe I was just sad for myself.

The doctor was already inside when I entered the room. The nurses told me to sit on the bed and relax. I took a deep breath and concentrated on my left hand holding on to one of the nurses. Then, I felt a very distressing pain when the long syringe pricked my skin. As the doctor pressed the needle deeper, she made a scrapping motion until she was able to get sufficient amount of sample from the nodule. I cried in silence while having difficulty breathing. Time slowed as I wait for the test to end.

I almost lost my patience when the nurse informed me that they needed another sample because the result was inconclusive. This time, when I took the test, the pain was 10x more painful. I was howling, crying and for a time I think I forgot how to breath. Pain radiated from my nape up to my head. Nurses were trying to get my attention and told me “Ma’am… inhale…exhale.. relax… inhale…exhale…”. Two nurses were holding both my hands as I agonisingly waited for the doctor to finish her task.

I felt weak when I walked out from what I called the small room of pain. When I saw the HMO coordinator waiting outside, I felt grateful that he insisted to stay.

The second aspiration was again inconclusive, hence, my doctor advised me to have the surgery soon so he can perform a frozen biopsy. According to him, he would scrape a sample from the nodule and we would know immediately if it was malignant since the result can be given after 30 minutes. Unfortunately, the frozen biopsy was inconclusive that the doctor decided to take only a part of my thyroid where the nodule was located. The sample taken from my 1st surgery was further tested. After two weeks, I was informed that the nodule was malignant and I had to undergo another operation for Total Thyroidectomy.

I had 2 surgeries in a span of one month and after another month, I had a radiation therapy that kept me in isolation for one more month as I am radio active. I felt fortunate that the company I worked with and the company’s HMO coordinators had generously spent their time ensuring that I had the best care. They gave comfort and assistance every time I was admitted in the hospital. I am also very much grateful that my family has never left my side and has taken cared of me when I cannot fend for myself. I also received encouraging messages and support from friends and colleagues to stay strong while I was in my lowest.

After a long medical leave, I realised how my work becomes the centre of my world. It was a painful and depressing experience. My outlook in life changed. I prayed to God to spare me more time so I could still share it with my son who then was only 2 years old.

Today, after 8 years in remission, my heart is full of gratitude for the blessings and miracles that I received — The gift of life; That I was diagnosed with the slowest growing cancer; That the diagnosis happened when the malignant nodule was still in its early stages, hence, the cancer cells had not yet metastasized, and; most of all the gift of love and support from my family, friends and colleagues.

I am still active. I still crave adventure and new learnings. Challenges still kept me on the go. However, my experience taught me the value of reflection, self awareness and pushing the “pause” button to seek clarity and calm. It gives me a reminder that leading a meaningful life is prioritising those that matters most. Knowing what is important. Learning to blend life and work. I am also glad that I have superiors who understand and allow me to blend life and work.

It was one of my defining moments but the insights that I would like to impart is find your “true north”. Know yourself and your purpose. Determine what matters to you most so that you can say you had live your life to the fullest everyday.

A tragic life altering event need not be a defining moment. Let your “true north” serves as your guide and crutches during a life altering event.